Hi, I am Yolanda, I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for 28 years since I was converted by the Holy Ghost way back in 1985 when I was 15. I have loved the Gospel ever since, and have enjoyed being amongst some of the most beautifully hearted people I know all wanting to please God and to share the love of Jesus Christ.
I am a lover of truth and am not afraid of it. As true children of God, he doesn't expect us to follow blindly, but to be guided by the gift he has given, which is the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost will teach you all things and guide you, testifying of the truth of all things. As an avid reader and explorer of the Gospel, and teachings of the prophets from olden times til now, I have absorbed much and joyed in the teachings. I have been blessed to discern the writings of man compared to the writings of man when under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost ... they are two different things.
I have shared the Gospel for 28 years, as I have had a perfect testimony of what I was taught ... when I prayed at the age of 15, for the first time, I addressed Heavenly Father and asked him if Jesus Christ died for us, asked about the Book of Mormon, asked about Joseph Smith and I received my answer. I was astounded! I did not know if God actually existed, but I was praying in hope and praying in faith and when I finished my prayer I cannot describe in words how amazing an experience I received but I can try.
I heard a male voice, calm, beautiful, clear, which spoke my name and said these words 'Yolanda, It is True'
amazed that I heard a voice, joy filled me, and it was as if pure light were beaming into my heart and soul, I felt a deep warmth enter into my heart and lungs and spread out as if filling me like I was a bellows being filled with hot air .... and this spread to my head and toes and I felt so light and filled with pure joy that I felt I could fly! This stayed with me testifying to me that God truly lives! That angels are real, that Jesus Christ is real, and that miracles are real and revelation between us and God is real, that the Holy Ghost is real!
I was so excited that I told everyone! I was a missionary spirited person telling everyone, many people were baptised into the church from my zeal of Church. I devoured all scripture, studied and studied, read the entire Bible from cover to cover by the age of 17, and read the entire church history. I had many people wanting to show me I was deceived, these people would unindate me with anti-mormon literature, but I had an answer for everything, as I had my testimony .... the Church I belonged to had God in it, it was filled with good people and good teachings. It was and is the best church I ever knew and filled with the most beautiful people.
When I completed the reading the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants also by the age of 17, I became disappointed that between the time I joined the Church and right up until now, that there didn't seem to be revelation received by the church the same as it flowed in the days of Joseph Smith. I wanted to receive guidance, and felt that in this day and age so much was going on that surely God had much guidance to give his Church ..... but silence reigned! what was going on! Gordon B Hinkley came along and this man I adored! When I first saw his face after he was called as prophet, I didn't think much of him, his looks and his wide nose and glasses were all I saw, but then he spoke. And that voice of that man! His voice spoke Spirit instantly. I hung onto every word he spoke, I loved that man! I sobbed like I lost a relative when he passed away in 2008.
Being a lover of the Book of Mormon and of the teachings of Joseph Smith, I eagerly wanted to hear about gathering of Zion ... the building up of a Temple in Independence, Missouri, the return of Jesus Christ, instruction from the prophet about what we were to do ..... but although we were taught self-reliance and food storage, the idea of the gathering had ceased ... no news of it! And also when I read the History of the Church, there seemed so much missing. I read and read ... I wanted to know all about the life of Joseph Smith, I read all the Ensigns, New Era, Read all the Church books ... all the testimony building books ... Jesus The Christ, etc etc .... I did Seminary and Institute, I was the Spiritual Living Teacher for Relief Society and a Ward and Stake Missionary ....
My Patriarchal Blessing proclaimed me to be a seeker after truth, and that I would find it as I searched for it, I was also blessed to have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ, and of his prophets and apostles, and that angels would assist me when I needed anything ..... so my thirst for truth was warranted, I was even told that I would teach the gospel to both Israel and the gentiles, and so I have sought to do this. The Anti Mormon literature I was given, I was able to refute. I knew my church was good, and so the literature was a lie of the devil. From 1985 onwards, everyone and his mother gave me their views on mormons, mostly of a negative nature ... but as I said, my enthusiasm contributed to many being baptised. It was the spirit that the missionaries brought with them too, that touched my heart. The room literally felt lit up when they were round, like as if they dispelled darkness and brought with them the sunshine!
So, what I am going to share, I want you to know that I have a testimony of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and that my testimony is of the goodness of many of the members, and the words of Joseph Smith, and all the goodness of the teachings of prophets since I joined the church in 1985 ...and of the Book of Mormon, and of the revelations received by Joseph Smith, and I have a testimony of baptism for the dead, of washings and annointings and of sealings, I have a testimony of missionary work, of tithing, of following the guidance of the Holy Ghost within.
Unfortunately I have not been blessed with a testimony of the Endowment ceremony, but enjoy the company of the saints about me. I have loved the Temple so much that I moved to be within a fifteen minute drive of it, and also ten minutes walk from the nearest chapel ... living in England, that is not bad! There are a few chapels spread out, and only two temples here.
I have visited many of the sacred sites to the Church ...Independence, Liberty Jail, Carthage Jail, Nauvoo, Salt Lake City, Salt Lake City Temple, Far West, Adam-Ondi-Ahman .... etc etc. I received a witness at Far West as I stood on the site that has been set aside for a temple there and where the apostles met before they left for their mission to Great Britain. I saw the bullet holes in the door of the Carthage Jail, I saw the window Joseph fell out of ... my spirit was touched.
I visited Independence wards, the spirit was on fire there, many members told me they had had spiritual witnesses to gather there. I had one of my first odd experiences one Sunday whilst trying to find the Chapel ... I found what I thought was an LDS chapel, but discovered it was not. This was in 2003. A lady holding a triple combination, gave me directions to the chapel I was after. I was to discover that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was not the only church of that name! There were many with similar variations of the Church's name. And the members were also called Mormons, or Latter-day Saints. This was a curiousity which I didn't expect. I had heard there was one break off, but I didn't anticipate there being perhaps hundreds!
I didn't let it affect me. I returned home on fire from my spiritual experiences and just noted in my mind that it was such a shame that people had broken away from the Church Joseph Smith had organised, and assumed they were all apostates. I had been subtly taught at church that Joseph Smith's wife Emma had disobeyed God, and would not make it to the Celestial Kingdom, I was always sad in my heart at how such a thing were possible, as she had sacrificed so much and gone through so much, why would she have forfeited her place in heaven? I didn't question the church, I was just sad for Joseph and sad for Emma. I also was told in a mocking way at church that Joseph Smith had a son that had started a church and that it was against our church, that the leadership went from father to son, and they had run out of sons and were asking our church if any descendants of Joseph Smith might take over as their head .... I was incredulous at hearing these things. Once again, I just thought 'sad people' sad apostate, lost people! I was told this church has built a temple and owned the temple lot, so we latter-day saints couldn't build the temple that was prophesised to be built upon that Temple Lot in preparation for the Saviour's return. It made me quite anxious wondering what we as a church were to do! I wanted that Temple built, and I wanted to be part of it.
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2004 ... I came across a church record whilst researching my family history, the record was for Joseph Smith and it listed names, dates and marriages for him. I was in shock and collapsed on my knees. I had never believed the rumours, but here in front of me was 'evidence' .... what about my testimony! I prayed to ask God for help, I needed to understand and I needed answers. The Holy Ghost asked me two questions to which I responded positively .... 'Do you believe Joseph Smith to be a prophet of God? I did, 'Do you believe in The Book of Mormon?' Yes, I did. After these responses, the Holy Ghost confirmed my answers and I was given the impression that I was not to worry, but that a future date, all would be revealed to me, but that I was not to worry.
I went to my Bishop and spoke to him about it, he couldn't help me. Apparently the Church taught that Joseph Smith actually was polygamous, and that God had commanded him to take more wives. I did not have a witness or testimony of this, but I accepted it if it was God's will. But it didn't feel right to me, and yes I had read D&C 132, but I considered it deep doctrine and as polygamy was nothing to do with the church, I wasn't concerned about it. Back in 1985 I was told the church had nothing to do with polygamy, and I was also told about Abraham having extra wives so I put it to the back of my mind, but the missionaries never taught me about this principle, and never told me Joseph had more wives.
The Holy Ghost testified of many things to me, but never a witness of polygamy. The church taught us not to research Journal of Discourses, or to take notice of anything anyone said about stories of the history of the church. So, I steered clear, resting on my testimony. I bore my testimony everyFast Sunday and fasted often, I yearned to know more. Where was latter-day here and now revelation from prophets of God? Where was it? Good as they appeared, the same things were spoken of over and over each conference, the same stories of pioneers etc, but no new flowing of revelation to guide us in the way Joseph Smith received it.
Then one day my eldest son, contemplating going on a mission, came across some wonderful writings! They were of the inspirational heart pounding style of Joseph Smith! Past the date of Joseph Smith's death. They were the printings of the True Saints Herald! My son and I were amazed and for the first time in two decades, we drank in those words, the words of men inspired by the Holy Ghost! Who were these people?
I was to find out that they were the words of Joseph Smith's son !! Joseph Smith III! I knew nothing about him, apart from the rumours he started his own church. I wanted to know more, so I decided to research about him and read a biography about him, then researched his writings.
As a lover of the gospel, and a lover of truth, I felt truly blessed to hear another side of the story, more of the life of Joseph Smith Jun, and of his wife Emma! I read the History of The Church written by Joseph Smith jun, as published by Joseph Smith his son! It was different in content ... it had more details! I had always been a little disappointed at the perfect way that the Church had been portrayed, as if everything was absolutely faultless, but here the words were of what actually happened ... it made me feel I knew Joseph Smith better, and those of the early Church. I didn't even know Joseph Smith had brothers in the Church that were alive at the time of his death apart from Hyrum. But there was Don Carlos and Samuel too ... both died around the time Joseph did, and William ....
I discovered that Joseph Smith jun edited a church newspaper called the Times and Seasons. These papers had been put online! I read with delight the content! I read his Presidential us candidacy letter ... it was fascinating, then I ordered a copy of Joseph Smith III's memoirs as I wanted to know what had gone on in the days of life, and that of his father ....
It made sense the things I discovered. All the nigglings I had at church when certain things were said, that didn't feel right ... it suddenly all made sense!
I hope you have that too ......
In 2004 I was told I would have my answers about Joseph Smith and polygamy, and I was blessed in the year 2012/2013 to know the truth. Before that, I was prepared of God to receive these things by certain trials I went through from 2001-2006, and from 2006-2010. Major things happened which broke my heart and which I needed God to help me understand, and I had become distraught because the things particularly that happened to me between 2009 and 2011 were church induced, and Temple related. At one point I sat in the Temple grounds, and wrote in my journal that I felt I was surrounded by pharisees but couldn't understand it. This was the true church, I had moved to be closer to God's house, and yet the closer I got to the workings of the people and their actions .. the more horrified I was in the lack of Spiritual guidance. Men guided by their own actions, not by the Holy Ghost. I had been a faithful member for over 20 years, and here were people in high places treated me with disdain, no empathy, no charity, I was brushed off and felt like a leper! I had a temple recommend for two decades, no masterbating, no flirting, no swearing, no abuse, no smoking or drinking alcohol or tea or coffee, obediently serving in several callings ....
What began to shock me was that there was more 'spirit' in the lay members than in the leaders! How could that be possible? What was going on! The Church had become as if run as a business, no longer by promptings of the Spirit, but by what man thought .... now we know the scripture .. God's thoughts are not our thoughts! We cannot know the mind of God without praying for guidance, without turning to him for answers, and here were people in leadership acting as if they were priviledged to speak the word of God without even beginning with pray! Without seeking for guidance! I had a matter that needed discussing, I went to my Bishop, I went to the Stake President, I went to the Recorder ....I went to the Temple President ... I will tell you, I was shocked at the unchristian way I was treated.
Now you may think this all odd that I should tell you this, but to me the church was true, and nothing and noone in the whole wide world could convince me any differently, and may I add I do believe this is the best church upon the planet to go to and be part of, but I am demonstrating things happened to change my mind set in such a way that it became more open, less judgemental, and more teachable. I was prepared through my sufferings.
For curiousities sake, I will tell you what the falling out was about, as you will perhaps be wondering. I married a newly baptized latterday saint that had not conquered pornography. Over the years he became increasingly abusive to me and our children, to the point he threatened to kill me if I left him, and he was demanding more and more 'indecent sex'. I believed in marriage, and believed it a sin to divorce. We married in 1989, and by 2006/7 I was in breakdown mode, I couldn't tell anyone what was going on, I was a missionary person, only member in my extended family and I wanted them to only think good of the church, and so I silently suffered. But in 2007 and I couldn't take anymore, I wanted to die. I couldn't as it is a sin to commit suicide according to the Church. But I had a breakdown, and in this time I was taken care of by God as I kept a journal and the Holy Ghost would comfort me and gave me instruction, and gave me hope.
I was told to divorce my husband. I was shocked at the revelation I received, but I was also told that a righteous man would be prepared for me and love me as I was intended to be loved, and would love my children as a father. We were blessed to escape. By October 2008, we escaped. I had told the Bishop, but he treated it lightly, he didn't believe there was anything serious going on, I told my RS president that I needed help, but she also did not believe in helping a woman escape her husband. He had threatened me over a period of two years, to kill me. He strangled me, punched me, hit me, kicked me, he was paranoid I was going to leave him, he told me noone else would love me like he did. I was petrified. He moved out at my request, but moved in round the corner. He stalked me, he threatened me still, this led to my breakdown and he pretended to be my carer and moved himself back in within six months, he also was using my body for sex and if I refused, he threatened to kill himself and so I was trapped. This is why I became suicidal, but I gained strength, with the help of the Holy Ghost, and had him move out again but the situation carried on - the abuse and threats and sexual abuse, manipulation, violence and control continued. I had a meeting with my children and they all voted (all seven of them aged then 7, 9,11,13,15,17 & 18) and we left.
To cut a long story short, we were taken care of by church members in another part of the country and we were blessed. I had received revelation that we would be taken care of and we were! It was a miracle, miracle after miracle occurred! It was like we were Lehi and Sara with Nephi and his family on our travels, we were blessed left right and centre! It was incredible!
Now, I also went to the Temple and prayed about it all first, and asked for guidance from the Temple presidency about my revelation to divorce my husband ... they agreed and gave me their blessing telling me that no man should treat his wife in such a way , especially a man with the priesthood.
But, I had revelation that a good man would come into my life and that I would have a new husband ...
This is where the trial came in which made me more open to study out and research truth, and pray literally every second of the day for help to bear my pains ....
Because this is where the church revealed itself to me as a replica of the days of Jesus, where he was persecuted by the actual Temple people! They were the ones who should be the holiest right? And they were the ones that had him put to death, well, I felt I was Jesus during this next period of my life, as I was treated like a harlot, like a wicked woman, I was devastated and broken. It brought me down, I had sacrificed for the Church, I had submitted to the rules, I had suffered at the hands of my husband, I had lived the gospel fully, completely to paranoia in which I was afraid of anything that would offend God, I tried my utmost to be guided continuously by righteous thoughts and actions, and teach my children good principles, despite their father.
My crime:- receiving revelation to accept the marriage proposal of a temple worker who the temple people considered wrong in asking me. They took over, they separated us. They manipulated the guy so as to never talk to me again. Why? Because he was a virgin younger than me, and I an older woman with seven children. They considered it wrong. They did not consult God, and the treatment I received from that moment was and has proved the discovery of the ugly truth ... the church is not led of God, it is a business corporation trying to fake looking good in the eyes of the world. How do I know? I know because I was given a witness to marry this guy, I prayed that exact day for a new husband to take care of me and my children, and he came into my life that very day and proposed to me, and my children accepted him straight away and the bond grew between them and him, I said no to begin with as I didn't believe in age differences, but he would ask me every day, and one day my eldest son asked me to pray about the proposal and so I did... and the Holy Ghost burned in my heart for three days solid. I had never had such a witness! And my youngest daughter aged then 7, told me she wanted him as her daddy. I was blessed! God had blessed me.
But it was not to be, the week I accepted his proposal, 'the heavies' descended. We were banned from talking to each other for a period of six months as they believed he was making a mistake, and during that six months they poisoned his mind against me and my children and I heard from others that he was put on medication from losing his mind over it. This being caused by 'God's leaders' preventing God's will being done! I asked for help from my leaders, I was condemned by my Bishop, when I asked him to begin our interview with a prayer! I was condemned also as being manipulating and controlling when I asked my Stake president also for help, requesting him to begin an interview meeting with prayer! They both said they did not need to pray as they were men of God ... God was with them, they had the priesthood and calling of God ...
I went to the Temple president for help, I was a worthy latterday saint and temple recommend holder, and a friend working in the Temple had requested my help in the kitchens, I asked if I could help... I entered the Temple and spoke to the people in charge of temple workers ... they knew me, and were happy to have me help, until they were told to turn me down once the Temple President heard about it. My crime? no crime, they didn't want the temple worker that proposed to me to be reminded of his love for me, and so I was banned from helping out voluntarily in the Temple, even though worthy.
I couldn't take much more sorrow, after thinking God had provided me with a release from my sufferings in marriage, and provided me with a new husband .... I begged the Temple President to be empathetic to me and my situation and this is what he said 'You are a very sick woman' ...... wow! the words of a holy temple president! I ripped up my recommend in front of him and left church.
God's church doesn't act in this way, Jesus Christ is compassionate, long suffering, kind, gentle, I followed the scripture of the woman entreating the master.... I followed the scriptures in all my efforts, I had obeyed protocol of the church and had done nothing wrong except accept a proposal from a young man who worked as a gardener.
The pain led me to earnestly seek God even more, requesting from him how his mouth pieces could act in such a way ... I had not included the countless insults I received and the neglect and treatment I was given as I do not want to dwell on it. All I can say is that there is truth, there is goodness and there is priesthood power, and miracles, and the Holy Ghost is with God's people ..... if you love God, and live by him, you have his Spirit to be with you, and I have discovered that it is the pure, humble in heart that truly have his spirit and the ones in leadership are often led of themselves, prideful wanting dominance, and wanting to please outwardly but not in tune with the Holy Spirit because no man of God led by the Holy Spirit, could do what has been done to me and my family.
So, in my search to find out why this had happened ... I researched. I found and peace has come to me in a sense, although the True Church is not The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but the people in it, and people all over the world can follow the goodness of their heart can be led by the spirit of God. So blessings and patriarchal blessings given by the pure in heart and received by the pure in heart are sealed by God, and all good words spoken by good people are sealed by God, and any good that is taught, and spread, is sealed by God and witnessed by the Holy Ghost. But all lies, deceit, wrong doing, falsehood, evil, will be revealed.... no matter who, and what worldly position they hold. God will not be mocked, his sheep will not be left alone, we are not left alone, even though priesthood may be corrupt and leaders corrupt, if we live the commandments, the Holy Ghost will be our guide and lead us to all truth.
Sorry this is so long, but I guess you would have stopped reading along way up if you were bored, but I had to get it off my chest, although I could write several books of what has actually happened in my life. But I believe in goodness. I believe in God, and I was given what I was looking for ... truth!
My observation:- Don't follow blindly the words of man, whoever he maybe... I am not asking you to believe any thing I say, but I do ask you to pray about anything that ever niggles you. I have heard the expression that goodness and truth is of good and feels good, makes you feel at peace, makes you feel happy and joyous, if there is any teaching that makes you feel cold, sick, worried, after praying, consider it not God's will. If it is God's will, he will make a way for you to feel good about whatever he expects you to do. The Holy Ghost is manifest by a warmth in your heart as well as a peace in your mind, stillness with peace can also be an answer.
If like me, you are not ready yet, it may take several years, then you will not receive an answer, but feel that the answer will come.
Good luck. I believe in the return of Jesus Christ, I believe in miracles, I believe in The Book of Mormon, I believe that Joseph Smith was a good man, a prophet of God, that his wife too was a good woman, and their children, I believe they are all rewarded for the sacrifice they made, and that all lies taught about them will be revealed, and all evil will be revealed... all wolves in sheeps clothing revealed.
I believe in the gathering together of the saints, I believe all those that will not fight, must flee, I believe God will provide a way of escape as he did for me, as he did in the days of Alma, and the days of Moses, he provides direction and guidance for those that truly seek him and are striving to be good people.
Good means trying to be kind to all people, trying to be forgiving, trying to overcome greed, lust, temptation, trying to stand up and do what is right, ie not to lie, cheat, steal, harm, be dishonest etc etc .... to be christlike is to be true, to be purehearted, with no deceit or ulterior motives ... to help others, and not judge, to love without condemnation ..... let your heart have feeling. Let your heart give people a chance. Do not fall for face value niceness, check the genuineness of people, discern those that are helping you and those that are using you.
Peace be with you,
let us spread peace, let us stand up for truth, let us help each other!
For the sake of humanity, and the sake of Jesus Christ and his suffering for us, let us build up the kingdom and be counted as on God's side.
With love,
Sister Yolanda Goddard
England
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